Clever Quotes

Chess is a foolish expedient for making idle people believe they are doing something very clever when they are only wasting their time. - George Bernard Shaw


Here's a rule of thumb. Too clever is dumb. - Ogden Nash


No man is clever enough to know all the evil he does. - Francois de la Rochefoucauld


We are learning to do a great many clever things. The next great task will be to learn not to do them. - Gilbert Keith Chesterton


A clever man commits no minor blunders. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


The silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. - Rudyard Kipling


Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. - Walter Francis Kerr


We are obliged to regard many of our original minds as crazy at least until we have become as clever as they are. - Georg Christoph Lichtenberg


If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. - Benjamin Disraeli


We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and knows - Robert Frost


Everybody wants to be somebody; nobody wants to grow - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Don't cry for a man who's left you, the next one may fall for your smile - Mae West


If you don’t ask because you might be refused, you’ve already refused yourself - Nisandeh Neta


Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful - Ann Landers


The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any - Alice Walker

The past is a great place and I don't want to erase it or to regret it, but I don't want to be its prisoner either - Mick Jagger


Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it? - Mark Twain


I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity - Albert Einstein


People never lie so much as after a hunt, during a war or before an election - Otto von Bismarck


Everyone has three lives: a public life, a private life, and a secret life. - Gabriel Marquez

I used to live in a room full of mirrors; all I could see was me. I take my spirit and I crash my mirrors, now the whole world is here for me to see - Jimi Hendrix


I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it - Groucho Marx


Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work - Thomas Alva Edison


Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold on to him. After marriage, she has to hold on to him to make love to him - Marilyn Monroe


To be a flamboyant failure, that's better than being any kind of benign success - Malcolm McLaren


He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up - Paul Keating


I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here - Stephen Bishop


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together - Hemant Joshi


He has Van Gogh's ear for music - Billy Wilder

For flavor, instant sex will never supersede the stuff you have to peel and cook. - Quentin Crisp


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Peter Kaye


He is a self-made man and worships his creator. - John Bright


I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. - Mark Twain


Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. - Oscar Wilde


At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass - Mark Twain


Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it - Moses Hadas


I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure - Clarence Darrow


What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary - Mark Twaine


I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all - Lord Byron


The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night - Otto von Bismarck


I feel I have to protect myself against things. So I'm pretty careful to lose most of them. - Orson Wells


When you start thinking of pressure, it’s because you’ve started to think of failure.- Tommy Lasorda - US Baseball Manager


You never know where to look when eating a banana. - Peter Kaye


I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on - Roseanne Barr


I become more convinced that beings from other planets are using the Earth as a lunatic asylum - George Bernard Shaw


Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain


If they can make penicillin out of mouldy bread, they can sure make something out of you - Muhammad Ali


Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself. - Yogi Berra after being told he looked cool


Human beings are 70% water and with some the rest is colagen - Martin Mull


Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson


I dress sexily - but not in an obvious way. Sexy in a virginal way - Victoria Beckham


No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly - Oscar Wilde


Old age ain't no place for sissies - Bette Davis


I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. - Janette Barber


One should not worry about the future, particularly if it hasn't happened yet. - Mel Gibson


Modesty is the only good quality I don't have. - Jordan W. Shipley


Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy - Benjamin Franklin


There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience. - Archibald MacLeish


Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? - Frank Scully


Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives - William Dement


Even if I knew that tomorrow the world go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree - Martin Luther


Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams


I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? - Zsa Zsa Gabor


Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. - Cyril Connolly


I never came upon any of my discoveries through the process of rational thinking. - Albert Einstein


The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams


When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. - Elayne Boosler


Patience is the companion of wisdom - St. Augustine


No man is rich enough to buy back his past. - Oscar Wilde


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal


Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde


Anger is a weed; hate is a tree - St. Augustine


A bit of lusting after someone does wonders for the skin. - Elizabeth Hurley


You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin


There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. - Lynn Lavner


Some will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon. - Thomas Blount


We've got a nation of people who have one eye looking out for the next speed camera, another looking for a speed limit sign and another looking at the speedometer - which is a bit of a shame, when you only have two eyes. - Paul Smith


A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist. - Franklin Jones


Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings - Salvador Dali


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us - Author: Helen Keller


Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. - Camille Paglia


There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen


God created the poet, then took a handful of the rubbish that was left and made three critics. - T.J. Thomas


The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein


I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. - Groucho Marx


If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. - Johnny Carson


The true republic: men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less. - Susan B. Anthony


When the sun comes up, I have morals again - Elayne Boosler


The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age - Lucille Ball


Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret - Lawrence J. Peter


There is more to life than increasing its speed. – Gandhi


It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married- George Burns


A time will come when men will stretch out their eyes. They should see planets like our Earth - Christopher Wren


Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. - R. Kennedy


My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch - Jack Nicholson


A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing - George Bernard Shaw


Message? What the hell do you think I am, a bloody postman? - Brendan Behan, when asked what was the message in one of his plays


Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life – Confucius


Friendship is constant in all other things, Save in the office and affairs of love - William Shakespeare


I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor


We have 40 million reasons for failure but not a single excuse - Rudyard Kipling


Keeping your clothes well pressed, will keep you from looking hard pressed - Coleman Cox


If you can laugh at it, you can live with it. - Erma Bombeck


Dignity does not consist in possessing honors, but in deserving them – Aristotle


The first man to compare the cheeks of a young woman to a rose was obviously a poet; the first to repeat it was possibly an idiot - Salvador Dali


Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on a Saturday night. - Woody Allen


When you are down and out, something always turns up - usually the noses of your friends. - Orson Welles


Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself - George Bernard Shaw


I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor - Joan Rivers


I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part. - Shirley MacLaine


Cyling has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world - Susan Anthony


At fifty everyone has the face they deserve - George Orwell


All dogs look up to you. All cats look down on you. Only the pig looks at you as an equal . . . Sir Winston Churchill


You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back - Barbara DeAngelis


Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf - Will Rogers


Between thought and expression lies a lifetime. - Lou Reed


Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


There is only one difference between a madman and me. The madman thinks he is sane. I know I am mad - Salvador Dali


The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. - Rita Mae Brown


A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life - Muhammad Ali


Keeping your clothes well pressed will keep you from looking hard pressed - Coleman Cox


Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up but a comedy in long shot . - Charlie Chaplin


When women go wrong, men go straight after them - Mae West


Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house. - Lewis Grizzard


When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad I'm better. - Mae West


If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw


When it comes to cars, only two varieties of people are possible - cowards and fools. - Russell Baker


God gave men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time. - Robin Williams


Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death. - Lyman Beecher


Pressure makes diamonds. - General George Patton


Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee - David Frost


Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny. - Frank Outlaw

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. - Benjamin Franklin


There are three ingredients to the good life; learning, earning, and yearning. - Christopher Morley


Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller


What a man misses mostly in heaven is company. - Mark Twain


Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln


People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I'll tell you: a paternity suit. - George Burns


The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too. - Anton Chekhov


When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry


What we see depends mainly on what we look for - John Lubbock


In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. - Martin Luther King Jr.


Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue, in order that they should see twice as much as they say. - Charles Caleb Colton


The grim fact is that we prepare for war like precocious giants, and for peace like retarded pygmies. -Lester Bowles Pearson


If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow the teachings of the new, he would be insane. - Robert Green Ingersoll


Men in general are quick to believe that which they wish to be true. - Julius Caesar


My advice to you concerning applause is this: enjoy it but never quite believe it. - Robert Montgomery


It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven. - Josh Billings


You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln


A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults. - Louis Nizer


I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. - Albert Einstein


Religion is for people who fear hell, spirituality is for people who have been there. - David Bowie


A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it. - Israel Zangwill


Good executives never put off until tomorrow what they can get someone else to do today - Dr. John C Maxwell


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat - Alex Levine


My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition. - Mohandas Gandhi


A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns. - Mario Puzo


Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. - Eleanor Roosevelt


If you really dig a chick, you should talk to her, not steal her picture. - Mike Nesmith (The Monkees)


At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely - W Somerset Maughan


Seeking to know is too often learning to doubt - Antoinette Deshoulieres


I mistrust the judgment of every man in a case in which his own wished are concerned - Duke of Wellington


I just love Chinese food. My favourite dish is number 27 - Clement Atlee


Money is a good servant, but a poor master - Dominique Bouhours

An Eye for an Eye, and the world would soon be blind. - M. K. Ghandi


Hell is full of musical amateurs. - George Bernard Shaw


Some will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon. - Thomas Blount


Daring ideas are like chessmen moved forward; they may be beaten , but they may start a winning game. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate. - Ambrose Bierce.


You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. - Abraham Lincoln


You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. – Plato


The first rule of business is: Do other men for they would do you - Charles Dickens


What we see depends mainly on what we look for - John Lubbock


Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein


The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. - Mark Twain


He that never changes his opinion, never corrects his mistakes, will never be wiser on the morrow that he is today. - Tyron Edwards


Judge a man by his questions rather than his answers. – Voltaire


It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid. - Albert Einstein


Seriousness is the only refuge for the shallow - Oscar Wilde


A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on - Sam Goldwyn


Winning is not everything. It's the only thing. - Author: Vince Lombardi


I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right - Henry Ford


Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. - Thomas Jefferson


Arguing with a fool proves there are two. - Doris M. Smith


A time will come when men will stretch out their eyes. They should see planets like our Earth. - Christopher Wren


Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery - Spike Milligan


Patience is not a virtue, it is a waste of time. - Damon Conlan,


The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff - Ambrose Gwinett Bierce

I drink therefore I am - W.C. Fields


He who can does - he who cannot, teaches. - George Bernard Shaw


I feel sorry for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they are going to feel all day - Frank Sinatra


You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious


Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life - Herbert Henry Asquith

My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil - Paul Getty


My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol


It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. - George Burns


Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein

Last modified 07-Sep-2011 7:44 AM