Sex Quotes

A really hard laugh is like sex—one of the ultimate diversions of existence. -Jerry Seinfeld

If sex isn't a joke, what is? -Nella Larsen

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax. -Scott Roeben

Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex. -Geoff Spear

I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. -Anonymous

Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing. -Charles Bukowski

Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite. -Germaine Gree

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. -Anonymous

For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. -Stacy Nelkin

Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes. -Marilyn Sokol

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else. -Richard Lewis

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. -Norman Mailer

The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes. -Scott Roeben

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. -Mae West

There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that. -Lewis Grizzard

For flavor, instant sex will never supercede the stuff you have to peel and cook. -Quentin Crisp

I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading.- Anonymous

Nothing makes you forget about love like sex. -Staci Beasley

I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading. -Anonymous

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. -Kevin Costner, Tin Cup

I'm a great lover, I'll bet. -Emo Philips

Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day'cures chronic depression. -Faye Wattleton

I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. -Leslie Nielsen

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me. -Scott Roeben

Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it. -Richard Feynman

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing. -Phyllis Diller

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. -Jane Austen

If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right. -Anonymous

Sex is good, but not as good as fresh sweet corn. -Garrison Keillor

Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs. -George Carlin

I've tried several varieties of sex. The conventional position makes me claustrophobic and the others give me a stiff neck or lockjaw. -Tallulah Bankhead